| Appointment |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|01:42 pm] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  distressed | ] |
So, I had my appointment with the consultant, and it pretty much went how I expected and feared. There was a huge pressure to accept medication again (which I refuse to do - I've had too many problems with chemical therapy). The only alternative therapy he is willing to consider at the moment is CBT. I have already been told by one of the top CBT practioners in the country that my type of depression in untreatable with CBT.
Anyway, I have to go through the motions of CBT again, before he will even consider other forms of therapy. Even though he admited that hypnotherapy could help in the short term.
I am stressed, depressed and totally bummed. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. |
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| ...Woah. |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|08:59 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | dreams | ] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  tired | ] |
Okay, that was something a bit different...
I just dreamed that I was leaving a fancy kind of school along the lines of the one that offered me the job, only - well, y'know how dreams work. It was completely different in every way but that it was tiny. There was also a pond out the front, and whilst I and one of the teachers/teaching assistants (I'm not sure which she was) were walking a couple of kids out the front, we commented on how they really ought to work on said pond next, since it was overgrown and really pretty nasty.
Cue the little boy we were with running straight into it.
And a teeny, tiny little snake being washed out with him when he pulled himself out.
Which instantly grew to the size of a Rather Large adder when he touched it, then up to practically-a-fucking-anaconda when it started chasing us around the pond like a runaway rocket. We had a kid each on one hip, were running like lunatics an not seeming to get anywhere like you do in most dreams, and what did I do when the enormous snakything with lots of very, very sharp got too close?
...I beat it up with the oversized shopping bacg I'd been carrying around yesterday. And I actually won.
I dunno what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but it's really kind of cool.
Now you'll have to excuse me while I get ready for work and try to stop scrubbing at my arms ugh ugh ugh I can't stand snakes... |
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| No matter how the world ends, I love it while it lasts. |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|01:43 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | beautiful things, dx, happy to be alive, i love the world, i'd rather be dancing, links, lordi, me, music, wrestling | ] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  dancing on the edge | ] |
| [ | Soundtrack |
| | Dingo, The House Without A Name | ] |
Dingo, House Without A Name - I would never have heard of this song if Lordi hadn't done very evil things to it. Thank you Lordi, as ever!
Domination Black, The House of 1000 Eyes - someone, somewhere, will love this song as much as I do. Right?
Also, I have succumbed to temptation and now own a DX belt buckle, as an early Christmas present to myself. Ah, DX shinies - the ultimate mixed message. "Yes! I'm a rebel - and I have twenty bucks worth of corporate merchandising right here to prove it!" ~~God knows god knows I love this perfect world...~~ ^_^
Rath |
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| "English, mother fucker! Do you speak it?" |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|08:28 am] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  Day-Yam! | ] |
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| 2S4 M-1975 Tyulpan [Tulip Tree] |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|08:22 am] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  contemplative | ] |
"The 240-mm self-propelled mortar known to the West as the M-1975 is known as the SM-240 (2S4) by the former Soviet Army, although its more common name is the Tyulpan, or Tulip Tree. The M-1975 consists of a much modified GMZ tracked minelaying vehicle carrying a 240-mm M-240 breech-loading mortar on the hull rear.
Once the Soviet leadership introduced the laser-guided "Smel'chak" [dare-devil] mortar round into Afghanistan, the massive 2S4 self-propelled 240mm mortar proved effective in destroying Mujahideen strongpoints and fortifications located in caves and terrain folds that howitzers could not hit. In June 1985, Senior Lieutenant A. Beletskiy employed his 2S4 battery against a Mujahideen stronghold that artillery could not engage. The stronghold was located near the Pandshir valley and garrisoned by Mujahideen of Ahmed Shah Masood. Lt. Beletskiy used a laser range finder to determine that the distance from the target was 2350 meters. He then fired a conventional HE round spotting round--evidently to establish the PGM footprint. He adjusted his firing data and then fired a ground laser-guided "Smel'chak" round. It hit the target exactly. The 2S4 battery destroyed the Mujahideen stronghold with just twelve rounds." From Global Security
~This is classic Russian gear, fucking primitive, but very effective. I love the loud 'clang' the tube makes every time it fires. |
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| Cui Bono |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|08:19 am] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  calm | ] |
~One of my favorite quotes is “If you're not paranoid, then you're not paying attention.” To follow politics, both domestic and international, I have found that one needs a healthy dose of paranoia. Please note I said healthy.
Regarding the attacks in Mumbai, I invoke another quote, one that comes out of our own legal system: Cui Bono, an ancient Latin phrase meaning "To whose benefit?", literally "as a benefit to whom?"
The fingers are all pointing at Pakistan at the moment, but I do not believe the Pakistani government is behind this. These actions harm them greatly, isolating them from their only real ally at the moment, the US, and at a time when relations between Washington and Islamabad are rather shaky.
They also derail Pakistan's negotiations with India which also negatively effects the relationship with the US and creates more chaos and fear in its domestic political life.
Of course, the obvious candidates are al Queda and Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence Agency - the same fellows who wet-nursed The Taliban - or factions thereof. The former are almost certain to be involved in some fashion.
But if the latter are behind this...then Pakistan is probably doomed and, quite likely, so are tens [or even hundreds] of millions of Indians, as that kind of a political agenda is functionally suicidal and makes a nuclear war between these two states almost inevitable.
I could see the raw terror upon the face of Yousaf Raza Gilani, Pakistan's Prime Minister, when he vehemently denied his nation's involvement in these attacks. And New Delhi might be 'talking strongly', but they too know the stakes. Both are doing their best to balance caution against domestic passions.
So, Cui bono?
Al Queda and The Taliban to a certain extent. This destabilization could be to their benefit. But I do not see them taking such an action without at least the tacit approval of the ISI, and I like to think the officers who run the ISI these days have learned something from 9/11.
There is however one actor in this drama whose name I have not heard mentioned at all anywhere: China.
China is a 'third party' in the Kashmir dispute that is at the heart of the conflict between India and Pakistan. China has defeated India in a series of borders wars. Pakistan was once China's client before the US barged into region after 9/11. And India is China's main Asian rival economically, militarily, and in now in space.
I'm not pointing any fingers here. I'm just asking that old Roman question: Cui bono?
I asked this of Mark Ginsberg over at HuffPo. |
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| Annoyance |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|01:18 pm] |
OK, this is the article that prompted me to do the split: Suicide 'shouldn't involve medics'. All very well and good to start with. What has me annoyed is that the doctor writing that column talks about giving treatment for depression to people who feel suicidal.
Alas, my experience of treatment of depression in the UK is one of three things:
- Medicate and shut-up
- Hospitalise
- CBT - if you are really lucky
Nice sentiment Dr. Jeffrey. Pity the UK doesn't deliver.
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| Starting |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|01:05 pm] |
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OK, this is my blog for my mental health stuff (my progress, plus assorted news I feel relevant). |
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| An open letter to my school: |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|11:25 am] |
The AR administration continues to carry out its legacy of fail. They marked our Biopsych class as having an extra hour before the usual noon lecture, and so everyone shows up at 11 and waits for twenty minutes before Dr. B comes into announce that they'd cocked it up. And I know this is not Dr. B's fault at all, because Dr. B is awesome and makes pyramidal neurones interesting.
Blargh. I could have used that extra hour of sleep.
EDIT: Okay, so it actually was Dr. B's fault. At least he profusely apologized for it, which is more than I get out of the admin types. |
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| An open letter to my suitemates. |
[Dec. 2nd, 2008|09:53 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | home, school, suitemates | ] |
| [ | The scouter says |
| | Nom. | ] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| | Eyegouging | ] |
| [ | Soundtrack |
| | Something Better - Muppet Treasure Island | ] |
L: You're a great person to hang out with and the most discreet college girlfriend-living-next-to-boyfriend I've ever met, but I am not interested in hearing about how the cold is affecting your internal nutrient processing systems. I am not your doctor, nor is your condition serious enough for me to need to dial 999. Also, we need to go out for Chinese again because last time was cool.
S: You are also not a bad person and you make awesome roast chicken, but you have strange habits with food. I realize that you are interested in making sure that people do not put food on "your shelf" despite the dearth of space in the fridge between six people, but I really don't think keeping expired food on it is the best way to do it. What.
Unnamed Continental Student: Stop playing your damn rap garbage so loud that I can hear it on the other side of the suite. And get better taste in music.
*puts hand to face* My head hurts. I think this is the one time I can safely say that Monday cannot get here soon enough. |
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| Grocer's apostrophe FAIL, and other updates. |
[Dec. 2nd, 2008|01:20 pm] |
Just saw a Youtube video for Sonata Arctica's The Worlds Forgotten, The Words Forbidden. However there was an unfortunate grocer's apostrophe inserted, so as to make my initial mental parsing come out as:
"Sonata Arctica: The world's forgotten the words."
Much as laughing at that cheered me up, I still feel that the poster deserves the Captain America icon for it. And to all the people saying we should let the misplaced apostrophe pass as "correct" and simply call it a change in usage - this sort of thing is why I disagree with you.
In other news, I finally cracked and subscribed myself to several wrestling fan comms over on LJ. I'd been trying to avoid this as I hate doing the thing where I drift in and out of fandoms and pick up a whole long tail of comms on my friendslist in the process, but it sat on my head until I didn't have a choice. Sigh. Still, maybe I'll make some new friends. ^_^
Finally, after sorting out my situation as much as I can - bad news, folks. I can't afford to keep the Lyndon any more, and this time I'm serious, there is no way out of it and I'm not getting my money's worth out of her anyway. :( So if anyone is interested in, or knows anyone who'd be interested in, buying a part-renovated, late-seventies 25' GRP river cruiser (working engine, safety certificate for the next couple of years, perfectly functional and usable but cosmetically in need of some more work), please do get in touch! Given the current economic climate, price is "make me an offer" - though for the record I paid £6,000 for her and would be very grateful to recoup that at least.
I don't want to do this but I'm going to be grownup about it, dammit. She deserves someone who can take better care of her than I can. :/
Laters,
The Navigator |
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[Dec. 2nd, 2008|11:24 am] |
1) Does anyone like to look at the stars?
Pretty much everyone, from time to time.
2) What are people's star signs?
Let's see;
Johannes: Virgo
Mirek: Scorpio
Mengele: Pisces (this is true, looked it up)
Erik: Aries
Charles: Not sure
Raistlin: Gemini
Dalamar: Cancer
3) Is anyone's star sign the same as the body's?
Mirek's, we're both scorpios
4) Does anyone believe in astrology?
Not really. I do, they either don't care or don't believe.
5) Does your household have any sort of astrology of your own?
No. |
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| Star Gazing |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|12:00 am] |
1) Does anyone like to look at the stars?
2) What are people's star signs?
3)Is anyone's star sign the same as the body's?
4) Does anyone believe in astrology?
5) Does the household/system have sort of astrology of your own? |
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| *has new icons!* |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|11:03 pm] |
Things seem to be moving, at the very least, although I could not say for certainty where they're going to end up. I put in two of my three papers today (one very close to the wire, albeit by accident, but it's still a good paper) and did a practice exam, so we'll see how that turned out. I at least know what to aim for in my studying; it makes sense once you figure out the trick to it.
Rath's gonna come to the doctor with me on Monday, so that will at least get a professional opinion in on the matter and I'll have an outside perspective who isn't my mum. I'm going to try getting out of the flat more this week and walking around despite the fact that my body is now being introduced to new definitions of the term "cold", so the exercise should help get rid of some of the twitchy energy. Ideally I can hold out until Monday without making deranged angsty LJ posts at one in the morning again. The whole matter goes in cycles anyway; ideally Saturday night worked out enough Seibersplode for at least two weeks.
Man, I don't even know what the fuck Saturday night was about. |
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| Do you like late Christmas cards? :D |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|10:17 pm] |
Then baby, this is the list for you!
Uh, mostly, I mean, I try to send things on time. I very rarely succeed. I HOPE THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU.
Leave your address here (comments are screened, of course) and I'll put you on our Christmas card list.
PLEASE SPECIFY if there is anyone specific you want to sign the card. Otherwise, you get me and whoever might feel like signing at the time. Anyone that has an icon is close to the front and paying attention, and might be nice and sign if you ask. Most of us would.
Likewise if there's someone in your system who specifically wants a card, or something.
I'm sure you'll figure it out.
List is open until I send cards, which will hopefully be in time for Christmas.
(Note: We don't actually celebrate Christmas, so you get generic holiday card instead. 8D)
-R. |
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| So cold... |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|02:27 pm] |
Rath's been introducing me to horror movies and last night's fare was Dark Floors, the Lordi movie. The dynamic's a little different when you're actively eager for the monsters to show up because you're a fan of them on a personal level, but they managed to keep the creepy fully intact. The ending was utterly fucking disturbing (albeit not making a lot of sense, but it is a horror movie) and I had to do a bit of mental curling up and shuddering. The effects were absolutely amazing, partially because of skill and partially because the monsters brought their own costumes and the country of Finland contributed about 300,000 euros to the making of the film because Lordi seems to be one of their major exports now. It was pretty cool.
On the topic of things that are both frightening and make no sense, I'd also like to lodge a formal complaint with whoever designed England's sociological structure because there is apparently a taboo here against people saying what they actually think. I'm getting very tired of trying to figure out what's going on when I have enough trouble picking up on social cues in my own country. Just someone give me the British-to-human translation guide and I'll be a much more relaxed Seiber. |
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| So, to you two: |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|12:01 pm] |
| [ | Thermometer |
| |  happy | ] |
Thank you for being so awesome, you are lovely and nom and I do really love you both. The story is going well and although I don't think you will ever end up having on-screen sex, it's still worth it. Johannes, Mirek, I love you both dearly and tomorrow you will both have first pick of the box of chocolates I've been saving since my birthday. Thank you for keeping up the pace and helping me finished NaNo. Here's not many more weeks spent writing about your antics!
*Massive hugs* |
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| ....... |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|01:05 am] |
I'm not used to actually caring about what happens to horror movie characters. I think I prefer the American ones where you make it into a drinking game over me crying my eyes out in the dark. |
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| OM NOM NOM |
[Nov. 29th, 2008|06:04 pm] |
I have a bubble bath, half a box of Ferrero Rocher, a new power cable for my laptop and Jeff Buckley on the brain. I'm happy. :)
Also just had a lovely jacket 'tatie from the nice people on Market Square - I was much amused to see one of the Council rangers go past and shout over 'All right in the tin?' to them the other day; seems to be a bit of an injoke - and spent the last hour or so with my dad, who dropped off the aforementioned power cable and played on the word games machine in the pub with me. I got a highest-scoring word this time! *beams* That never happens, I'm usually the one running about making little words so Dad can think up the long ones. XD We're a good team, us. And I don't have a huge bruise after knocking myself arse over teakettle yesterday - just, er, a little one instead. ^_^;
...Baaaaaaaaath. ^_^
EDIT: *...SQUEAL* The second CD of the set I bought has the Coventry Carol on it! *flails* |
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heartsick